A Birthmother's Journey

This is the journey that begins when the author is a teenager and continues during the reunion with the son she gave up 32 years ago.

Location: Portland, Oregon, United States

I am the natural mother of two sons one, age 32 and the other age 18 and stepmother of two sons.I had to start this after my oldest son found me in July of this year after 32 years. It is one heck of a rollercoaster ride but we plan on meeting face to face in November.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

My Pregnancy

From the beginning I had really bad morning sickness. Only in my case, it was morning, noon and night sickness. It got so bad I had to keep a pan by the side of my bed just so I wouldn't throw up all over the place. I also kept a stack of crackers and a bottle of 7-UP on my nightstand to help with the nausea. That lasted well into my sixth or seventh month. Then there was the constant having to run to the bathroom every 5 minutes! Seemed like even when I didn't have to go, I felt like my bladder was gonna burst at any minute!

I remember when my foster mom took me shopping for the first time for maternity clothes. The rage then were smock and tunic tops-you know the kind with the angel sleeves- so I was able to pick out a few really cute ones. But as soon as we went into the maternity department for slacks and dresses and bras, I felt like a pariah. All these women were staring at me when, after asking if the clothes were for her, my foster mom had to tell them that they were for me. As soon as they looked at me, I lowered my eyes, ashamed of who I was and what I let happen to me.

Then there was going to Mass every Sunday. I went to Confession and told the priest that I was pregnant and unmarried. I swear I thought I was gonna be excommunicated! But he was a young associate pastor and he said I wasn't the first pregnant teen he had seen come to Church and confess her sins. He asked me if I was going to marry the baby's father and then I told him I was going to give him to a family who could take care of him.(It was weird how I always referred to the baby as "HIM" from the minute I knew I was pregnant- like I knew already that I was carrying a son) Well this young priest said that in that case I could receive Communion and NOT be excommunicated but I had to say three Hail Marys, an Act of Contrition, a complete Rosary, ten Our Fathers and The Stations of The Cross, but I was able to take comfort in the fact that at least my spiritual virginity was still intact!


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