A Birthmother's Journey

This is the journey that begins when the author is a teenager and continues during the reunion with the son she gave up 32 years ago.

Location: Portland, Oregon, United States

I am the natural mother of two sons one, age 32 and the other age 18 and stepmother of two sons.I had to start this after my oldest son found me in July of this year after 32 years. It is one heck of a rollercoaster ride but we plan on meeting face to face in November.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

My Doctor

The most humiliating experience for a teenage girl is going to see a gynecologist for the first time. In my case I went to see an obstetrician at a woman's hospital. At first I saw a male doctor, but my foster mom who was head nurse at one of the university hospitals insisted I be seen by her doctor who was a woman. That helped but it was still embarrassing. I mean here I was a kid telling this doctor how old I was when I had my first period, what they were like when I had them and when I had my last one. Then there was the matter of the exam...IT HURT! When she did a breast exam, they were so tender that I yelped in pain!

I also had to describe the cravings and morning sickness and everything I could think of relating to my pregnancy. I was all of 4'11" and weighed under 100 pounds. She prescribed pre-natal vitamins, multi-vitamins, told my foster mom I had to eat more to gain weight, even if I wasn't hungry I would have to eat something. I was throwing up all the time and couldn't hold anything down...how the hell did she expect me to gain weight?????

But I ended up gaining weight very slowly and pretty soon my doctor was happy with it...I still hated going to see her. I asked if my foster mom could be in there with me but all I got was "You are a young woman now, you can handle it by yourself" from my doctor.

I told her I was scared but got looked at like "You got yourself into this, you can deal with it on your own" and my foster mom was not allowed in the examining room with me. So I dealt with it, coming out of the room with tears in my eyes and trying to pretend to be as brave as I could possibly be for my own sake. I learned to hold all the pain, shame and guilt I was feeling inside from the very first day I was examined on through out my adult life.


Post a Comment

<< Home