1988 Patrick

Patrick was born premature by 3 weeks. But he became the lifeline I needed. I was still in a spiral but having him made me whole again. I was scared when the nurse took him to the nursery. I even asked her if I was gonna see him again. She asked me why and I told her something I had hidden since that June day in 1974. I told her about my first son.

I still went downhill eventually becoming addicted to cocaine and drinking heavy again after he was born. (As of this writing I am now 16 years clean and 8 years sober) I did get help this time, but I still had to take meds for my seizures, after numerous suicide attempts I signed a "No Harm Contract" and have not even thought about killing myself.

Rhett got custody of Patrick when I was in rehab but he let me be a large part of our son's life, as long as I stayed clean and sober. And I bonded with the son I raised. I started calling him my "Shining Star" and my hero because in all honesty he is. He was five when he would hold my head during a seizure and hug me when I would think about his brother and start crying.

When Pat was old enough to understand, I told him about his older brother and how someday, I might look for him.