A Birthmother's Journey

This is the journey that begins when the author is a teenager and continues during the reunion with the son she gave up 32 years ago.

Location: Portland, Oregon, United States

I am the natural mother of two sons one, age 32 and the other age 18 and stepmother of two sons.I had to start this after my oldest son found me in July of this year after 32 years. It is one heck of a rollercoaster ride but we plan on meeting face to face in November.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

1988 Patrick

Patrick was born premature by 3 weeks. But he became the lifeline I needed. I was still in a spiral but having him made me whole again. I was scared when the nurse took him to the nursery. I even asked her if I was gonna see him again. She asked me why and I told her something I had hidden since that June day in 1974. I told her about my first son.

I still went downhill eventually becoming addicted to cocaine and drinking heavy again after he was born. (As of this writing I am now 16 years clean and 8 years sober) I did get help this time, but I still had to take meds for my seizures, after numerous suicide attempts I signed a "No Harm Contract" and have not even thought about killing myself.

Rhett got custody of Patrick when I was in rehab but he let me be a large part of our son's life, as long as I stayed clean and sober. And I bonded with the son I raised. I started calling him my "Shining Star" and my hero because in all honesty he is. He was five when he would hold my head during a seizure and hug me when I would think about his brother and start crying.

When Pat was old enough to understand, I told him about his older brother and how someday, I might look for him.


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